Often in your life you will have disagreements and conflict with the people around you. If it has gone on for a while it is likely that you are pretty mad by the time you get to negotiate and the first rule is to keep your temper. Getting angry as a way of trying to negotiate an issue NEVER works.
The following points will help:
Treat the issue as separate from the person. What he does might drive you mad but it doesn’t mean he’s an awful person. Assume he’s not.
Raise the topic (with respect). Bring the conflict out into the open. Say what the conflict is from your view and ask for the other’s view.
Give up the idea of having an outcome that totally suits you. Be willing to compromise.
Pick a clear space and time. Both of you should have an uninterrupted time to explain how you see the conflict.
Be open about how you have been feeling and what you might have done to make it worse.
Define the problem. So what exactly is the problem? Can you both define the problem together?
What do you both want? Next think about what it is you both want. Brainstorm some solutions and work out which you think will be the most successful.
Putting it into practice. Try one of your solutions and see how you go. If you don’t feel like it has worked out for you try another solution.
This may seem like a lot of hard work, but it gets easier each time you practice. Learning to negotiate is a skill that you will use your whole life and after a while you might find that you start to win more conflicts and feel more assertive in general.
Disclaimer:
I am not a health care professional. I am an abuse survivor. The resources on
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not replace the advice of a licensed health care or mental health care professional. Please consult your own physician for health care advice.
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Last edited: 01/02/03.
